Wiston Papers

We need a conversation

“Let me coffee you two cups of our daily special,” waitress Beverly volunteered as she made her rounds for our weekly meeting.

“Did you just use the noun coffee as a verb?” I questioned a bit annoyed.

“Easy, bro,” soothed John, “we’re transitioning into a new era.”

Transition, ugh.  Another of my favorite words, I winced.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to the presidential conversations next month,” John continued.

“Conversations?  Oh, you mean the debates,” I clarified.

“You have to get with the program, friend.  We don’t have debates any more in America.  We have ‘Conversations,’” (John made the quote signs with his hands.)  “Conversations about race, conversations about education, conversations about the economy.”

“I hate the word conversations.  It implies a polite exchange of meaningless platitudes where we talk and talk but never resolve anything.  Give me a strong debate or even an argument any day so we can fix some problems,” I stressed.

“No, no. We don’t have problems.  We have ‘issues’ (repeats quotes gesture),” John explained.

“Issues doesn’t work for me either.  It sounds as if we can have...as you put it...a ‘Conversation’ (quote gesture) with a problem but you’re afraid of offending.  We can negotiate with an ‘issue” (quote gesture) forever and never get anywhere.  Sorry, I don’t want a conversation with an issue.  I want to solve a problem.”

“Well, I’m anxious to hear what Obama and Romney will say.”

Yeah, that will be illuminating,” I took a deep swallow.

“I’m especially interested in how they plan to help the ambulatory addressees and sojourn solicitors of America.”

“The homeless and beggars you mean?”

It’s a serious issu...uh...problem.  I mean so many people are underwater these days.

“Living in homes worth less than they paid for?”

“Uh...yeah...and we need to provide a safety net for the economically disadvantaged ...like nutritional discounts,” John pontificated and sipped.

“I thought we already gave welfare and food stamps to the poor.”

“Another thing is how to help the people who have been fiscally fraught, downsized, or rifted.  That’s what happened to me,”  John explained.

“You mean fired.  It was a year before you realized that you actually lost your job because you kept using your damn euphemisms to hide the truth,”  I said pointedly.

“Look, I’m just saying that whoever is our next president has to inspire sustained growth and leverage the private sector to repurpose...”

“John, what you’re trying to say is that the next guy in the White House should get more people back to work with new skills.  Can’t you just say that?”

“You’re not very compassionate,” John frowned.

True. Out of work people lining up to buy the next generation of iPhones are just taking up space.  Crab grass would be better in their place.  Dog dung makes a better contribution than those dodos,  I thought.

“John, it’s people like you who use silly words to avoid real problems.  Obama does it and Romney does it.  Why can’t all of you just come clean?  Be honest with us and just tell is what you’re going to do?”  I pressed.

“I heart that,” interrupted Beverly.  “As a first step I’m not going to say that you owe a tab and gratuity this week.”

“Really?” we both smiled.

“Yeah.  Just pay your bill and leave a big tip instead.”

Steve Coon

September 26, 2012