Wiston Papers

Another fine mess you got me into

Taxdoger the Impotent is seated next to Vice President Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist at the Democratic Party National Convention.

“Do you think we’ll win?”  asked The Impotent.

“Of course,” replied Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist.  “Thanks to that Stimulus Package I engineered, we’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“You didn’t do that,” responded The Impotent.  “I was responsible for that.  I’m the Secretary of the Treasury.”

“Are you sure?” responded Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist.  “It says right here on my resume that I pushed that through right after I was the first in my family to go to college and my ancestors emerged from the mines in northeast Pennsylvania and played football.”

“No, no, no.”  The Impotent corrects.  “That was British Politician Neil Kinnock who said that in 1987.  Haven’t you scratched that from your biography yet?”

“The American people will vote for President Obama and me because we have unshackled the chains and freed the plantations for the Middle Class through my initiative,” boasted Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist.

“OMG are you really going to say that on the campaign trail…again?” reacted The Impotent nervously.  “And you do not get credit for our Housing Initiative.  That was me.  It has to do with money so that’s my department.

“Well, what about the 13 million Americans I helped put back to work?”  argued Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist.  “According to my resume here, I…”

“Damn it,  we didn’t find jobs for 13 million people,” The Impotent exploded.  “They’re still out of work.”

“That can’t be true,” claimed Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist.  “I specifically remember saving the Automobile Industry sometime in the past four years.  That alone should have employed…”

“Look, if anyone deserves credit it’s me for my arm twisting the Big Banks to free up money for New Businesses and  correcting the Foreclosure Crisis,”  smiled  The Impotent.

“Yeah, those Monthly Jobs Numbers don’t look so hot on your watch.  And aren’t these your same  Big Bank friends  who allowed  homeowners to overextend themselves?”  challenged Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist.

“Uh…well…”

And aren’t these your same Big Bank friends who took big risks then needed a hugh Financial Baleout from us?”

“But you don’t…”

“And when your Big Bank friends financial institutions were going down the drain, begged for a handout, then turned around and give obscene Bonuses.  Or did you miss that while preparing your income tax returns?”

“Uh…uh…well…hm…”

“Yeah, I’d say you handled that pretty well.  It looks as if your arm twisting was more like hand shaking,” Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist smiled broadly, tucked at his suit and leaned back in his chair.

“Gentlemen, may I join you?” asked Secretary of State Clinton.  “I see I arrived just in time.”

“Yes, just in time to settle a debate between me and Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist,” The Impotent pleaded as he leaned toward Mrs. Clinton.

“Oh, hush now boys,” calmed the Secretary of State as she patted both men on their arms.  “I’m just here to listen to my husband explain how we’re Better Off Today than Four Years Ago.”

The Impotent and Gaffe-a-Day Plagiarist exchange surprised looks with open jaws.  “But how can he possibly say…

“Bubba is going to tell America that we should reelect Barack because he followed my husband’s example of Performance, Truth and Morality in office.”

Steve Coon

September 04, 2012