Wiston Papers

Is this really a soufflé?  That's news to me

“What’s wrong with journalism?”  As a former journalism professor and practitioner, I hear that question a lot.  Unfortunately, I wish I were able to declare strongly and sincerely “Nothing is wrong with the craft.  We’re doing exactly what we should be doing.”

The truth, of course, is all too apparent.  The media are not doing well.  Let’s go into the kitchen to explain what is wrong.

Assume that the journalist is a chef.  One who is preparing a traditional soufflé.  It’s not an easy creation--nor should it be if done carefully.  Here are the precise ingredients and steps.

--2 tablespoons finely grated Parmesan cheese

--1 cup whole milk

--2 and ½ tablespoons unsalted butter

--3 tablespoons unbleached flour

--1/2 teaspoon paprika

--1/2 teaspoon salt

--pinch of ground nutmeg

--4 large egg yolks

--5 large egg whites

--1 cup coarsely grated Gruyere cheese

--Place rack in lower-third of 400-degree  oven

--Butter 6-cup souffle dish

--Add Parmesan cheese & coat sides and bottom

--Warm milk in saucepan over medium heat to steam

--Melt butter in large saucepan over medium heat

--Add flour, whisk mixture to foam, but not to brown

--Remove saucepan from heat and let cool 1 minute

--Pour in warm milk, whisk until smooth

--Resume heating, cooking and whisking until thick

--Remove from heat, whisk in paprika, salt and nutmeg

--Add 1 egg yolk at a time, whisk to blend each one

--Scrape souffle base into large bowl

--Cool to lukewarm, cover and let stand at room temp

--In second bowl, beat egg whites until stiff but not dry

--Fold ¼ of whites into room temperature souffle base to lighten

--Fold other whites in 2 additions, gradually sprinkle Gruyere cheese

--Transfer butter to prepared dish

--Place dish in oven and reduce temperature to 375 degrees

--Keep oven door shut for first 20 minutes while baking

--Bake until souffle is puffy and golden brown on top.

--Serve immediately.

The careful, traditional chef/journalist will painstakingly observe each step to assure quality control.  And his diners/audience will be assured a product worth waiting for.  A feast prepared without constant distractions or demands that he prepare multiple other morsels while working on the primary gourmet delight.

However, here is how many contemporary reporters prepare this same recipe because they are competing with other chefs also cooking soufflés.  The most important thing is to finish first. But in the meantime, you believe you must respond to hungry customers already sitting at the table, unable to wait for a well-prepared feast, anxious for frequent samples of what you’re cooking.

TWITTER  Let everyone know that you’re making a soufflé.

--Quickly add a little grated cheese.  

--Splash in about a cup of skim milk

FACEBOOK Tell your audience why you chose a soufflé.

--Approximately 2-3 tablespoons of butter

--About 3 tablespoons flour of some kind

--Toss in a little paprika, salt and nutmeg

--Separate 5 egg yolks and white if you’ve got time

--Fill a cup with a second kind grated cheese

PINTEREST  Take a moment to post some pictures of you preparing your soufflé.

--Preheat the oven to 375 degrees so it warms faster

--Rapidly slap some butter on a souffle dish

--Spread your first cheese around dish quickly

--Warm some milk until it seems about right; can’t wait to steam

--Melt butter at same time in saucepan, flour and whisk for a couple of minutes

--Remove saucepan, pour in warm milk and whisk

--Recook for a couple of minutes

YOUTUBE  Record and post online each step you took.

--Throw in your paprika, salt, nutmeg and egg yolks as you whisk at same time

--Hurredly scrape souffle base into a large bowl

--Let cool a little bit while you quickly beat egg whites and cheese in another bowl until almost stiff

--Put this batter rapidly into prepared dish and into oven

--Raise temperature to  400 degrees to speed cooking

--Remove and serve ASAP

Congratulations!  You are the first chef/journalist to serve your soufflé; you beat the competition.  

Don’t worry that it doesn’t really look or taste like a soufflé.  Or that it isn’t very filling or satisfying.

We’ll understand.  You were too busy doing other things to really follow the recipe exactly.  And along the way you had to toss some scraps of your uncooked soufflé to your waiting diners/audience...anxious for any tidbit or tease of more.

Tomorrow you’ll apologize for the mistake you made in the recipe, of course.  But that’s OK.  You served your customers first today.  What more could we possibly want?

Steve Coon

February 21, 2013

Wiston Papers

Waiting 12 hours for the State of The Union Address.  How to spend the  time?

HIGH ANGLE SHOT OF INTERIOR OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IN WASHINGTON. D.C.  TIME IS 9:00 A.M. CAMERA ZOOMS SLOWLY INTO THE CENTER AISLE WHERE WE SEE SIX PERSONS SEATED...THREE ON EACH SIDE OF THE AISLE.

SITTING ON THE REPUBLICAN SIDE TO THE RIGHT ARE PATRICIA DEFENDUS OF NORTH CAROLINA, HYRAM SLASHCASH OF OKLAHOMA, AND GUADALUPE ELENA IMIGRACION OF FLORIDA.

ON THE DEMOCRAT SIDE TO THE LEFT ARE ALONZO WASHINGTON SOCIALRIGHT OF CALIFORNIA, SHIRLEY HEALTHFUL OF IOWA, AND KIM YUNG-RETIREES OF OREGON

DEFENDUS FANNING HERSELF:    “I do declare that is an awful inconvenience...especially for a southern belle like myself.  Back home I’d have my servants do this.”

SOCIALRIGHT GLANCES UP FROM HIS NEWSPAPER PEERING OVER HIS READING GLASSES AT DEFENDUS:     “I bet they must really enjoy waitin’ on you all...maam.”

HEALTHFUL PATTING SOCIAL RIGHT ON THE ARM:  “Now, now, Alonzo. I’m sure that she means well.  It’s going to be a long 12 hours for all of us...and uncomfortable, too...before the State of Union Speech.  But we all wanted to be here to shake hands with the President.”

SLASHCASH LEANS ACROSS THE AISLE FROM HIS CHAIR AND EXTENDS HIS HAND TO YUNG-RETIREES:   “Excuse me.  I don’t believe we’ve met.  I’m Representative Hyram Slashcash of Oklahoma and you are...?

YUNG-RETIREES RESPONDS GRACIOUSLY:  “Representative Yung-Retirees of Oregon.  No.  We’ve not met before.  We Democrats seldom move this far right in the House.”

SLASHCASH LAUGHS AND TURNS TO HIS COLLEAGUE:  “Let me introduce all of you to my fellow Republican Senator Lupe.”

IMIGRACION CORRECTS SLASHCASH:  “Hi, I’m Guadalupe Elena Imigracion from Florida and I feel like I’m sequestered at the U.S. Mexican border waiting to be let in.  Looks like we’ll have time on our hands for the next 12 hours.”

HEALTHFUL:  Nice to meet you, Guadalupe.  I’m Representative Shirley Healthful of Iowa.  You’re right about our long wait.  At least we’re not like that 102 year old woman standing in line to vote for six hours.  No elderly person should be treated that way...especially those with health issues.”

SOCIALRIGHT TURNS TO DEFENDUS: “I’m afraid we didn’t get off to a good start. Some folks just need an extra push or help in the beginning.   I’m Senator Alonzo Socialright of California.  

DEFENDUS TURNS ON HER SOuTHERN CHARM AND HER NORTH CAROLINA DRAWL BECOMES MORE PRONOUNCED:  “Well, I’m quite charmed indeed, Senator Socialright.  And I do agree with the honorable Senator from California on the need for help.  It’s what I’m tryin’ to do prevent these awful budget cuts from hurtin’ our young fightin’ men and women and their families near all those important military basis that might be closed in North Carolina.  I’m sure with your own commitment to social justice you all know what I mean?”

YUNG-RETIREES ADDS SERIOUSLY:  “Justice also means we have to make sure our young people feel confident about their long-term future and retirement.”

IMIGRACION LOOKS AROUND BEFORE SHE LEANS CLOSE AND SPEAKS:  “Senator Socialright, Representatives Defendus and Yung-Retirees are all correct.  This budget is about justice...justice for everyone.  I could vote for some of your positions if it weren’t for the pendejos in my own party.  Rep. Healthful, I’m certain you have your share of obstacles on that side, too.”

HEALTHFUL SMILES:  “You got that right.  There’re too many Democrats tossing around what we call meadow muffins back home.  What we need is less grandstanding and  more honest talking.”

SOCIALRIGHT LEANS FORWARD, TOO:  “Please all of you just call me Al.   Guadalupe and Patricia, we’ve got a lot of jerks on this side of the aisle, too.  If it weren’t for the leadership, we’d have passed a good bill by now.”

DEFENDUS FLUTTERS HER FAN MORE FEVERISHLY:  “Al is correct.  I can vote for some cuts in military retirement benefits if it keeps open some of my bases back home and saves jobs.  Really, do we need to let military personnel retire after only 20 years?”

SOCIALRIGHT:  “See, Patricia gets it.  As you know I’d favor keeping a few agriculture subsidies if we could cut others and divert that money to early education for the poor.”

“SLASHCASH BECOME MORE EXCITED:  “Good idea.  And if we can merge some unnecessary, duplicate government programs, that frees money for your social programs like Social Security and Medicare.”

HEALTHFUL NODDING THOUGHTFULLY:  “You know, the farmers and elderly in my state would go along with some partial reductions in ag subsidies if it means a few key subsidies remained and the savings assured Social Security and health benefits.  Yeah, that would work.”

IMIGRACION ADDS ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND EMPHATICALLY:  “Don’t forget.  Real immigration reform means the U.S. has more legal workers paying more taxes. That in turn means more money for the government without raising taxes and more money for job training for current American citizens.  If you vote for immigration reform, you got my vote here.  Yeah, this is a plan.”

YUNG-RETIREES CALCULATING QUIELY AS EVERYONE TALKS:  “The math does work.  More money from more workers in the private sector means more money for the government but no tax increases.  That makes the GOP happy.  And more government money means more funds to keep and strengthen programs for the poor such as early education and job training.  And Social Security and Medicare for the elderly which we Democrats like. Yes. I like it.  I like it al ot.”

THE HOURS PASS, THE SIX CONTINUE TO TALK.  AT 9:03 P.M. AS THE PRESIDENT WALKS DOWN AISLE FOR HIS STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS, SENATORS IMIGRACION AND SOCIALRIGHT SQUEEZE NOTES INTO HIS HAND.

“Mr. President, here’s something both parties can agree on...without the interference of our current Congressional leadership.  I think you’ll find it interesting reading...and you know where you can reach us.”

FADE TO BLACK

GRAPHIC:                "To be continued..."

FADE OUT

Steve Coon

February 17, 2013

Wiston Papers

Love in the Friendly Skies?  Not so much

John stumbled to his chair just as our waitress, Beverly, arrived with two pots of coffee.

“Hi, lover boys.  Our Valentine’s Week Special continues with your choice of either Tizapa or Cafe Pepil...both from El Salvador,” she encouraged smilingly.

“I thought Valentine’s Day was an American holiday,” grumbled John, “not some import from south of the border.”

“I’ll leave both pots for you unromantics,” Beverly shook her head.

“Not in a loving mood,” I hinted coyly as I sampled my first cup of Tizapa.

“I’ve been flying all over the U.S.A the past three weeks and I’ve been jilted by the airline industry,” John flirted with his Cafe Pepil.

“But maybe the marriage of US Airways with American Airlines I just read about will be a joyful union,” I proposed.  

“It’s not the match made in heaven that’s bad,” John charmed.  “It’s the language the flight crew uses that’s the turn off.”

“Uh...are you leading me on?” I fancied.

“We don’t get on an airplane,” John courted. “Instead we pre-board.  Doesn’t than mean I have to get on and off more than once?”

“Well, it does seem...”

“Next we have instructions about our carry-on luggage.  If I have luggage with me, of course I carried it on,” John sipped his coffee adoringly.”

“I agree that...”

“Then we have to take our seats and make sure our seatbelts are fastened correctly.  I just want to sit down.  I don’t want to take my seat anywhere,” John teased.  “And is there a wrong way to fasten a seat belt?”

“True, it doesn’t...”

“The crew directs our attention to the television monitors for safety information,” John beguiled.  “They don’t ever ask us to actually watch the message.  So I don’t.”

“That seems a little rude of you,” I sulked rejectedly.

“Not really.  I was told to turn off all electronic equipment so I shut down my hearing aid.  Thank God I don’t have a pacemaker,” John enchanted.

“OK.  But once the plane is actually  flying...”

“Oh, we never fly.  We have a cruising speed. And it gets worse,” John coaxed.  “We enter a turbulence zone.  Why can’t the crew just say we’re in for bad weather and it’s going to be a bumpy ride?”

“Yes, I seem to recall that Bette Davis said something like that,” I wooed as I savored my enticing swallow.

“Oh, and the flight attendants don’t walk down the airplane aisle, they pass around the cabin,” John enthralled.  “It sounds too ghostly for my taste.”

“I admit that the language could be more down to earth,” I embraced.

“I had to sit next to an emergency exit,” John cooed. “The attendant said if I didn’t want to perform the emergency instructions that she would reseat me.  I told her there was nothing wrong with my posterior.  But I’d certainly move somewhere else  if I couldn’t open the door and let people get out.”

“Isn’t that what she was trying to say?” I demurred.

“Just before we land, we have to check for any personal belonging.  I suppose that’s better than impersonal belongings...not that I’m on intimate terms with them...or want to.  But isn’t that fancy language for ‘what you brought with you?’” John makes the quote sign passionately with his fingers.

“I think the crew is just trying to...”

“That’s followed by a final compliance check, which seems threatening...no friendly skies for me.”

“Maybe it would help if...”

“Oh they want to be helpful all right.  They even offer deplaning assistance after the final descent,” John infused.  “No thank you.  I’d  just be happy if they helped me get off the plane after it landed.”

“In other words you...”

“In other words, I was not enamored of my trip.”

“So what did you boys get me for Valentine’s Day?” Beverly whispered seductively as she refilled our cups provocatively.

“We graced you with our usual weekly presence,” John winked.

“Yeah, like that’s any gift,” Beverly rebuffed.  “You just crashed and burned, big talker.”

“What did she say?” John queried.

“Your overture was insufficient...resulting in an accelerated descent and subsequent conflagration.”

“In other words...?”John tormented.

“That’s a big negatory.”

Steve Coon

February 14, 2013

Wiston Papers

We need a National Identification Card

The United States is moving closer to a required National Identity Card for all residents.  It is the right step and is long overdue.

But the current legislation--the REAL ID Act--does little to reduce the myriad of unnecessary documentation Americans and legal visitors either carry or need as proof of citizenship or eligibility for a host of programs.

Congress passed the REAL ID Act in 1995 to comply with the 9/11 Commission recommended standards for approved identification documents for persons in America.  REAL ID established minimum requirements for an acceptable identification card.  The most commonly mentioned document is a state driver’s license, but others are legal, too.

However, well intended, REAL ID serves only to multiply rather than reduce the number of acceptable forms of identification.  The danger of such multiplicity is apparent...increased probability of forged or bogus IDs due to the impossible task of verifying a score of different documents.  This is simply wrong.

Homeland Security accepts valid state driver’s licenses as acceptable under the REAL ID Act.  But each of the 50 states has a different style and format.  To expect anyone to be intimately familiar with the variety of all 50-state licenses and to detect fraudulent ones is impractical.  Ask anyone responsible for checking the IDs of university students who come to a bar from all 50 states and you can easily see why so many underage students easily elude detection.

Other currently acceptable IDs include a U.S. passport, university or college enrollment cards, various Department of Defense Identification Cards, birth certificates, immigration green cards, NEXUS and SENTRI cards for travel between Canada, the U.S. and Mexico, and Native American tribal documents.  

There are others...too many others...and that is precisely the problem.

The obvious solution is a single card for all persons in the United States. Just as we have only one legal currency in America, likewise we should require every person within our borders to carry a single the National Identification Card...a Social Security Card.  No other documentation should be permitted as proof of identity, citizenship, legal residency, permission to drive, or eligibility for social and health benefits.

Every child born in the United States would be named, swabbed for a DNA sample, and registered immediately with the Department of Social Security (SS).  The DNA and registration would then be sent to SS for insertion as biometric data on a new SS card. All SS information and data would concurrently be registered with all national law enforcement records.  

Every legal immigrant or resident would be subject to the same application and registration process.

The SS Card would contain the photograph of the owner, be encoded with DNA, fingerprint and retinal scan technology, must be renewed every two years, and replace current state driver’s licenses.  

    There will be opposition to this controversial plan, of course.  The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)  claims that a single National ID would increase surveillance and monitoring of U.S. residents.  True and that is desirable.

    Honest people have nothing to hide or fear.  But individuals engaged in illegal acts should be apprehended quickly and a single National ID card would expedite their location and detention.  

    Civil libertarians fear a centralized database of all Americans.  I, for one, favor such a repository that is easily accessible by national and local authorities.  There currently are too many disparate archives.  Communication failures  and lack of coordination among existing law enforcement agencies are compounded by the absence of such a centralized database.

    Citizen rights advocates claim that a National ID would increase instances of discrimination and risk denying certain persons of voting rights.  The opposite is true.  A single National ID would provide easily verifiable, irrefutable evidence of citizenship and eligibility.   

    Other opponents fear potential prosecutorial abuse by overly-zealous attorneys and a future malevolent government with easy access to our personal histories.  I am optimistic than current and future legal and technological safeguards will prevent such a scenario.

   

    Identify theft if you use a SS Card for identification?  Not if properly encoded...and that technology will soon exist.

    It is time for a single, easily verifiable, uniform National Identification Card...the Social Security Card.  Let’s trash the score of documents now in use, streamline and centralize the appropriate collection and storage of identification data including DNA, and tighten the monitoring and tracking of all residents in the United States.

Steve Coon

February 06, 2013