Wiston Papers

Dr. Love

Beverly had just poured our coffee when John proclaimed, “I have a really, really big announcement.”

“Oh?” I paused just before the edge of the cup reached my lips.

“Yes, I’m going into the romance consulting business.”

“You’re what?” as I quickly grabbed cup with both hands to steady myself..

“The Love Doctor....that’s me from now on,” John smiled  triumphantly.

“Uh...why...?”

“Well, you probably heard about that New York couple who were the ‘Love Consultants’’ until they filed for divorce this week?”  John make quotation marks with his hands.

I looked at Beverly for help, but she just smiled and shook her head.

“And Dr. Phil,” John continued,” he still gives marital advice although he got a divorce.”

Please, just shoot me now, I begged.

“After all, who’s more qualified than I am to talk about love and marriage?” John boasted.

No. Don’t go go there, I thought.

“Because...,” I probed cautiously suspecting the answer.

“Exactly.  Three marriages gives me real insight,” John explained.

“Insight isn’t the word I would choose,” I suggested.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he countered.”  Happily married guys like you don’t have a clue about the rough romance road many of us have to travel,” he assured.  “You don’t have to be successful; you just have to have lots of experience.”

Why am I not surprised, I regretted.

“I hate to ask,” I continued fearfully,  “but what exactly is your love advice John?”

“That’s what’s great about my plan and why it’s unique.  It’s all about ‘communication.’” he signed.

Oh, brother, I shook my head.

“And you got this idea from your Lady Friend?”  I wondered.

“Oh...uh...know,” John said sheepishly, “we’re not...exactly...uh...you...know talking right now.”

“Not exactly communicating are we, Dr. Love?”  I thrust.

John glared. “Look.  I’ve found a niche market.  I’m going to counsel same-sex couples.”

“Say what?”

“Love and marriage  are equal opportunity partners,”  he pontificated.   "Same-sex marriage is spreading like wildfire and I’m going to help fan the flames,” he preached metaphorically.

“And there’s money to be made,” I suggested sarcastically.

“Exactly.  Oh, I’m picking up the bill this week.  It’s a business expense.   Well, I’m off to visit my banker about financing.”

“What’s John up to this time,” Beverly asked as she poured a refill. 

“He’s going to counsel gay couples.”

Beverly just shook her head.  “I’m opposed to same-sex marriage,” she opined.

“What?  Why?

“Same-sex marriage is a bad idea,” she shook her head as she turned to walk away, “It just leads to same-sex divorce.”

I smiled.

Steve Coon

May 13, 2012