Wiston Papers

Improving the Olympic Games

“I’m exhausted, John slumped into his chair.

“Chug this down and you’ll feel much better,” waitress Beverly assured.”

Yeah, you do look worn out,” I agreed.  “Too many Olympic Games for you?”

Oh, no the games were great,”  John countered as he finished off his first cup of coffee and signaled to Beverly for a refill.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I’m disappointed in the disparity of the sports,” John began.

“Uh...I don’t follow.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll explain it slowly,” John promised.

“OK, I’m listening smart guy,” I said testily.

“Look, you already know that both gymnastics and track and field have all these individual events...” John started.

“Yeah, so what’s your point,” I interrupted still stung by my perceived insult.

“Easy, easy, I’m getting there,” John tried to sooth me.

“Here this second cup of our special today will help,” Beverly said comfortingly.

“Humph,”  I countered, “I doubt it.”

“But other Olympic sports don’t have the same variety,” continued John.

“True and you could improve on that...how,” I challenged.

“Well, improve may not be the word I would choose,” John agreed in a conciliatory tone, “but some of the ‘other’ sports could take a lesson from gymnastic, track and even tennis...or those three sports can adopt ideas from the so-called small sports.  Here’s how.”

“I’m all ears,” I said sofening a little.

“Weightlifting is an individual sport, but why couldn’t it be made even more compelling as a team competition.  The lifters could hand off heavy weights to their teammates in a relay to a designated finish line.  Or...or...there could be team lifting where two or more contestants try to hoist the heaviest barbell,” John said excitedly.  “Or. or...even mixed weightlifting.”

“Well, maybe...”

“See, I knew you’d agree,” John enthused mistaking my reply. “And imagine how more exciting gymnastics would be if you added a shooting or archery component to it.”

“Wait, you surely don’t mean...”

“Yes I do,” John interjected confidently, “the gymnasts could carry either bows or rifles with them during the floor exercises, while spinning on the high bar and uneven parallel bars or...better yet...try to hit targets as the athletes attempt a vault.”

“I’m not sure that...”

“There’s more,” John raised his voice as his emotion rose.

Can’t you do something I looked to Beverly, who just shrugged her shoulders and turned to other customers.

“Here’s another great idea,” John continued without restraint.  “I love synchronized swimming and rowing is equally graceful as everyone pulls their oars together.  Why couldn’t track and field do something similar?  Like..like...synchronized shot putting, javelin throwing, high jumping and pole vaulting...using the same bar?”

“Well, I can think of several reasons...” I hoped to discourage John.

“How about brand new sports for those competitions where the contestants don’t work very hard?” John suggested.

“Don’t work hard, what are you talking about?”

“Look, you have the men’s decathlon that last two days, the women’s heptathlon also is two days long and the soccer and basketball  teams compete for two full weeks,” John tried to demonstrate.  “But the men and women in events like the javelin, high jump, and shot put don’t have much to do.  Just six tries and they’re done.  Hell, they wouldn’t even have to even live in the Olympic Village.  Just fly to London early in the morning, take a taxi to the stadium, compete, hop back in the cab and be on the red eye back to the states. They should be required to compete in several different sports to make their Gold Medal a more vigorous reward.”

“Wait, a minute, John,” I pleaded.

“Yes, that’s just the ticket,” John ignored me.  “All the field events can still do their puts, jumps and throws but also they’d have to excel in two more sports...uh...maybe add skydiving and Brahma bull riding to their schedule.”

Someone help, please, I panicked.

“I have an even better idea for you,” Beverly placed her hand on our shoulders.  “How about synchronized bill paying and a Gold medal performance in tipping?”

Steve Coon

August 20, 2012