Wiston Papers

Lest we forget.  Today we celebrate...

“I don’t know what your special is today,” John collapsed into his chair.  “Just bring me two pots of it.”

“We have several choices,” waitress Beverly began, “there is our Yemen Mattari Mocha and a Ethiopian Harrar that are…”

“I don’t care,” John slumped.  “Just as long as it's black and strong enough to burn the soles off my shoes.”

“Uh…OK…” Beverly frowned and returned to her counter.

“Whoa, Nelly,” I perked up with wide-eyed surprise.  “You look terrible, my friend.  What’s wrong.”

“Too many holidays, too much celebration,” John grabbed the coffee pot by two hands that Beverly had barely brought to our table.  “I’ve exhausted…and it’s only May.”

“If it were anyone but you two guys,” commented Beverly, “I'd say ‘unbelievable.’”

“What do you mean too many holidays and celebrating?”

“You’re lucky, man,” John said as he wiped his sleeve across two drops of  Ethiopian Harrar hanging precariously from his upper lip.  “You haven’t tried to keep up with the partiers on Stephen Foster Memorial Day so close to our New Year’s Day, along with Epiphany and Orthodox Christmas Day in January.”

“That’s true,” I confessed.

“The Orthodox New Year landed on January 14,” John chugged some  Mattari Mocha from the second pot.  “I barely had time to recover from that before it was non-stop celebrations on Lee Jackson Day, Robert E. Lee’s Birthday, Confederate Memorial, Inauguration, Martin Luther King, Idaho Human Rights Day, and Civil Rights Day in Arizona and New Hampshire.”

“Amazing!,” I reacted.  

“You’re right.  It’s been tough,” John agreed.

“No I don’t mean that.  I didn’t know that Idaho and Arizona had civil rights.”

“Look, wise guy, it’s no picnic trying to regain your energy for Prophets Birthday on January 24, Tu B’Shevat on the 26 before ending with Kansas Day on the 29th.”

“Why Kansas Day when you’re an Iowan?” I wondered.

“Then there’s February,” John ignored me.

“At least it's a short month,” I noted as I tried to steal the remaining Ethiopian Harrar.

“Not when you have to march for National Freedom Day on February 1, get up early next morning for Groundhog Day, then buy a costume for the Chinese New Year on the 10th."

“A Mandarin mandate?” I commented cleverly.

“I barely had enough strength for Lincoln’s Birthday and Shrove Tuesday both on February 12, Ash Wednesday the next day and Valentine’s Day on the 14th.”

“As a three-time loser, John,” you could have stayed in bed on Valentine’s Day,” Beverly said snarkily as she replaced the two empty pots.

“Hardy, har har,” John muttered defiantly.  “I’m patriotic so I stood up for President’s Day on February 18.  And Daisy Gatson Bates Day celebrates a good cause the same day.  And I ended February with Purim on the 24th."

“I thought Purim was celebrated on the 13th, 14, or 15th,” I recalled.

“Yeah, it’s complicated," John conceded.  “But not as confusing as why I decided to observe Read Across America Day and the Welsh holiday St. David’s Day both March 1st."

“Odd.  I thought the Welsh could read?” I pondered in confusion as I sipped a fresh serving of Mattari Mocha.

“I commemorated Texas Independence Day March 2,” John revealed.

“With Mexican food no doubt,” I smiled slightly.

“Whatever.  There was Casimir Pulaski Day on the 4th and Vermont Town Meeting Day the following day."

“Why on earth would you celebrate those two out-of-state holidays?”

“It happens to be just as important as Evacuation Day in Massachusetts…”

“Which you also commemorated I suppose.”

“Yes!” John deposited his coffee pot forcefully on the table. “Along with March 20th Equinox, Palm Sunday, Maryland Day, Seward’s Day, and Prince Jonah Kuhio Kalanianaole Day.”

“Now that’s a mouthful,” I recognized.

“Anyway,” John asserted.  “I gathered strength for the marathon celebrations of first day of Passover on March 26,  Maundy Thursday the 28th, Good Friday on the 29th Holy Saturday the next day, Cesar Chavez Day is the 31st along with Easter."

“No wonder you’re tired, John, I’d certainly be, too, if…”

“I’m not done,” John looked at Beverly hoping for a third pot of Ethiopian Harrar.  “There are so many holidays in April.”

“Oh brother,” I shook my head.

“There’s Easter Monday on the first day.  The last day of Passover and Pascua Florida Day both on the 2nd,   and National Tartan Day on April 06."

“Of course.  What’s April without Tartan and Pascua Day,” I muttered.

“Look, Yom HaShoah on April 08 is also known as Holocaust Remembrance Day.”

“John, you’re correct.  That is a day all Americans should observe and I do, too,…never to forget the millions of Jews who died between 1933 and 1945.”

“And we in the U.S. should also remember our Patriot’s Day on April 15.”

“True, but will the IRS forgive our late income tax return if we claim we were partying then?”

“Or Father Damien Day also on the 15th?  Or Emancipation Day and Yom HaAtzmaut the following day?” John asked.

“And then you celebrated what else?”  I anticipated.

“Well, you have to step lively for San Jacinto Day on the 21st, Oklahoma Day and Confederate Memorial Day both the next day.  And don’t forget Administrative Professionals Day April 24th.”

“Administrative Professionals Day?” dropping my cup.  “We celebrate an oxymoron?”

“You’ve got some room to talk former government employee,” John reminded.

“OK, maybe.  But now it’s May and…”

“…and time for National Waitress Day,” Beverly interrupted.

“But that’s not until May 21,” John argued.

“I know, but after waiting on you two this year, I deserve to celebrate early  with a big tip.  Hand it over, gents.”

Steve Coon

May 08, 2013