Wiston Papers

Waiting 12 hours for the State of The Union Address.  How to spend the  time?

HIGH ANGLE SHOT OF INTERIOR OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IN WASHINGTON. D.C.  TIME IS 9:00 A.M. CAMERA ZOOMS SLOWLY INTO THE CENTER AISLE WHERE WE SEE SIX PERSONS SEATED...THREE ON EACH SIDE OF THE AISLE.

SITTING ON THE REPUBLICAN SIDE TO THE RIGHT ARE PATRICIA DEFENDUS OF NORTH CAROLINA, HYRAM SLASHCASH OF OKLAHOMA, AND GUADALUPE ELENA IMIGRACION OF FLORIDA.

ON THE DEMOCRAT SIDE TO THE LEFT ARE ALONZO WASHINGTON SOCIALRIGHT OF CALIFORNIA, SHIRLEY HEALTHFUL OF IOWA, AND KIM YUNG-RETIREES OF OREGON

DEFENDUS FANNING HERSELF:    “I do declare that is an awful inconvenience...especially for a southern belle like myself.  Back home I’d have my servants do this.”

SOCIALRIGHT GLANCES UP FROM HIS NEWSPAPER PEERING OVER HIS READING GLASSES AT DEFENDUS:     “I bet they must really enjoy waitin’ on you all...maam.”

HEALTHFUL PATTING SOCIAL RIGHT ON THE ARM:  “Now, now, Alonzo. I’m sure that she means well.  It’s going to be a long 12 hours for all of us...and uncomfortable, too...before the State of Union Speech.  But we all wanted to be here to shake hands with the President.”

SLASHCASH LEANS ACROSS THE AISLE FROM HIS CHAIR AND EXTENDS HIS HAND TO YUNG-RETIREES:   “Excuse me.  I don’t believe we’ve met.  I’m Representative Hyram Slashcash of Oklahoma and you are...?

YUNG-RETIREES RESPONDS GRACIOUSLY:  “Representative Yung-Retirees of Oregon.  No.  We’ve not met before.  We Democrats seldom move this far right in the House.”

SLASHCASH LAUGHS AND TURNS TO HIS COLLEAGUE:  “Let me introduce all of you to my fellow Republican Senator Lupe.”

IMIGRACION CORRECTS SLASHCASH:  “Hi, I’m Guadalupe Elena Imigracion from Florida and I feel like I’m sequestered at the U.S. Mexican border waiting to be let in.  Looks like we’ll have time on our hands for the next 12 hours.”

HEALTHFUL:  Nice to meet you, Guadalupe.  I’m Representative Shirley Healthful of Iowa.  You’re right about our long wait.  At least we’re not like that 102 year old woman standing in line to vote for six hours.  No elderly person should be treated that way...especially those with health issues.”

SOCIALRIGHT TURNS TO DEFENDUS: “I’m afraid we didn’t get off to a good start. Some folks just need an extra push or help in the beginning.   I’m Senator Alonzo Socialright of California.  

DEFENDUS TURNS ON HER SOuTHERN CHARM AND HER NORTH CAROLINA DRAWL BECOMES MORE PRONOUNCED:  “Well, I’m quite charmed indeed, Senator Socialright.  And I do agree with the honorable Senator from California on the need for help.  It’s what I’m tryin’ to do prevent these awful budget cuts from hurtin’ our young fightin’ men and women and their families near all those important military basis that might be closed in North Carolina.  I’m sure with your own commitment to social justice you all know what I mean?”

YUNG-RETIREES ADDS SERIOUSLY:  “Justice also means we have to make sure our young people feel confident about their long-term future and retirement.”

IMIGRACION LOOKS AROUND BEFORE SHE LEANS CLOSE AND SPEAKS:  “Senator Socialright, Representatives Defendus and Yung-Retirees are all correct.  This budget is about justice...justice for everyone.  I could vote for some of your positions if it weren’t for the pendejos in my own party.  Rep. Healthful, I’m certain you have your share of obstacles on that side, too.”

HEALTHFUL SMILES:  “You got that right.  There’re too many Democrats tossing around what we call meadow muffins back home.  What we need is less grandstanding and  more honest talking.”

SOCIALRIGHT LEANS FORWARD, TOO:  “Please all of you just call me Al.   Guadalupe and Patricia, we’ve got a lot of jerks on this side of the aisle, too.  If it weren’t for the leadership, we’d have passed a good bill by now.”

DEFENDUS FLUTTERS HER FAN MORE FEVERISHLY:  “Al is correct.  I can vote for some cuts in military retirement benefits if it keeps open some of my bases back home and saves jobs.  Really, do we need to let military personnel retire after only 20 years?”

SOCIALRIGHT:  “See, Patricia gets it.  As you know I’d favor keeping a few agriculture subsidies if we could cut others and divert that money to early education for the poor.”

“SLASHCASH BECOME MORE EXCITED:  “Good idea.  And if we can merge some unnecessary, duplicate government programs, that frees money for your social programs like Social Security and Medicare.”

HEALTHFUL NODDING THOUGHTFULLY:  “You know, the farmers and elderly in my state would go along with some partial reductions in ag subsidies if it means a few key subsidies remained and the savings assured Social Security and health benefits.  Yeah, that would work.”

IMIGRACION ADDS ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND EMPHATICALLY:  “Don’t forget.  Real immigration reform means the U.S. has more legal workers paying more taxes. That in turn means more money for the government without raising taxes and more money for job training for current American citizens.  If you vote for immigration reform, you got my vote here.  Yeah, this is a plan.”

YUNG-RETIREES CALCULATING QUIELY AS EVERYONE TALKS:  “The math does work.  More money from more workers in the private sector means more money for the government but no tax increases.  That makes the GOP happy.  And more government money means more funds to keep and strengthen programs for the poor such as early education and job training.  And Social Security and Medicare for the elderly which we Democrats like. Yes. I like it.  I like it al ot.”

THE HOURS PASS, THE SIX CONTINUE TO TALK.  AT 9:03 P.M. AS THE PRESIDENT WALKS DOWN AISLE FOR HIS STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS, SENATORS IMIGRACION AND SOCIALRIGHT SQUEEZE NOTES INTO HIS HAND.

“Mr. President, here’s something both parties can agree on...without the interference of our current Congressional leadership.  I think you’ll find it interesting reading...and you know where you can reach us.”

FADE TO BLACK

GRAPHIC:                "To be continued..."

FADE OUT

Steve Coon

February 17, 2013