Wiston Papers

Lest we forget.  Today we celebrate...

“I don’t know what your special is today,” John collapsed into his chair.  “Just bring me two pots of it.”

“We have several choices,” waitress Beverly began, “there is our Yemen Mattari Mocha and a Ethiopian Harrar that are…”

“I don’t care,” John slumped.  “Just as long as it's black and strong enough to burn the soles off my shoes.”

“Uh…OK…” Beverly frowned and returned to her counter.

“Whoa, Nelly,” I perked up with wide-eyed surprise.  “You look terrible, my friend.  What’s wrong.”

“Too many holidays, too much celebration,” John grabbed the coffee pot by two hands that Beverly had barely brought to our table.  “I’ve exhausted…and it’s only May.”

“If it were anyone but you two guys,” commented Beverly, “I'd say ‘unbelievable.’”

“What do you mean too many holidays and celebrating?”

“You’re lucky, man,” John said as he wiped his sleeve across two drops of  Ethiopian Harrar hanging precariously from his upper lip.  “You haven’t tried to keep up with the partiers on Stephen Foster Memorial Day so close to our New Year’s Day, along with Epiphany and Orthodox Christmas Day in January.”

“That’s true,” I confessed.

“The Orthodox New Year landed on January 14,” John chugged some  Mattari Mocha from the second pot.  “I barely had time to recover from that before it was non-stop celebrations on Lee Jackson Day, Robert E. Lee’s Birthday, Confederate Memorial, Inauguration, Martin Luther King, Idaho Human Rights Day, and Civil Rights Day in Arizona and New Hampshire.”

“Amazing!,” I reacted.  

“You’re right.  It’s been tough,” John agreed.

“No I don’t mean that.  I didn’t know that Idaho and Arizona had civil rights.”

“Look, wise guy, it’s no picnic trying to regain your energy for Prophets Birthday on January 24, Tu B’Shevat on the 26 before ending with Kansas Day on the 29th.”

“Why Kansas Day when you’re an Iowan?” I wondered.

“Then there’s February,” John ignored me.

“At least it's a short month,” I noted as I tried to steal the remaining Ethiopian Harrar.

“Not when you have to march for National Freedom Day on February 1, get up early next morning for Groundhog Day, then buy a costume for the Chinese New Year on the 10th."

“A Mandarin mandate?” I commented cleverly.

“I barely had enough strength for Lincoln’s Birthday and Shrove Tuesday both on February 12, Ash Wednesday the next day and Valentine’s Day on the 14th.”

“As a three-time loser, John,” you could have stayed in bed on Valentine’s Day,” Beverly said snarkily as she replaced the two empty pots.

“Hardy, har har,” John muttered defiantly.  “I’m patriotic so I stood up for President’s Day on February 18.  And Daisy Gatson Bates Day celebrates a good cause the same day.  And I ended February with Purim on the 24th."

“I thought Purim was celebrated on the 13th, 14, or 15th,” I recalled.

“Yeah, it’s complicated," John conceded.  “But not as confusing as why I decided to observe Read Across America Day and the Welsh holiday St. David’s Day both March 1st."

“Odd.  I thought the Welsh could read?” I pondered in confusion as I sipped a fresh serving of Mattari Mocha.

“I commemorated Texas Independence Day March 2,” John revealed.

“With Mexican food no doubt,” I smiled slightly.

“Whatever.  There was Casimir Pulaski Day on the 4th and Vermont Town Meeting Day the following day."

“Why on earth would you celebrate those two out-of-state holidays?”

“It happens to be just as important as Evacuation Day in Massachusetts…”

“Which you also commemorated I suppose.”

“Yes!” John deposited his coffee pot forcefully on the table. “Along with March 20th Equinox, Palm Sunday, Maryland Day, Seward’s Day, and Prince Jonah Kuhio Kalanianaole Day.”

“Now that’s a mouthful,” I recognized.

“Anyway,” John asserted.  “I gathered strength for the marathon celebrations of first day of Passover on March 26,  Maundy Thursday the 28th, Good Friday on the 29th Holy Saturday the next day, Cesar Chavez Day is the 31st along with Easter."

“No wonder you’re tired, John, I’d certainly be, too, if…”

“I’m not done,” John looked at Beverly hoping for a third pot of Ethiopian Harrar.  “There are so many holidays in April.”

“Oh brother,” I shook my head.

“There’s Easter Monday on the first day.  The last day of Passover and Pascua Florida Day both on the 2nd,   and National Tartan Day on April 06."

“Of course.  What’s April without Tartan and Pascua Day,” I muttered.

“Look, Yom HaShoah on April 08 is also known as Holocaust Remembrance Day.”

“John, you’re correct.  That is a day all Americans should observe and I do, too,…never to forget the millions of Jews who died between 1933 and 1945.”

“And we in the U.S. should also remember our Patriot’s Day on April 15.”

“True, but will the IRS forgive our late income tax return if we claim we were partying then?”

“Or Father Damien Day also on the 15th?  Or Emancipation Day and Yom HaAtzmaut the following day?” John asked.

“And then you celebrated what else?”  I anticipated.

“Well, you have to step lively for San Jacinto Day on the 21st, Oklahoma Day and Confederate Memorial Day both the next day.  And don’t forget Administrative Professionals Day April 24th.”

“Administrative Professionals Day?” dropping my cup.  “We celebrate an oxymoron?”

“You’ve got some room to talk former government employee,” John reminded.

“OK, maybe.  But now it’s May and…”

“…and time for National Waitress Day,” Beverly interrupted.

“But that’s not until May 21,” John argued.

“I know, but after waiting on you two this year, I deserve to celebrate early  with a big tip.  Hand it over, gents.”

Steve Coon

May 08, 2013

Wiston Papers

Why Foggy Bottom troubles should worry all of us

This news is not one of either interest or importance to most Americans.  But as a former federal employee who took occasional guidance from the Department of State, it caught my eye.  And by extrapolation it should be watched carefully by all U.S. citizens.

The Washington Post,  this date, detailed the frustratingly slowprocess that Secretary of State John Kerry has encountered in filling vacancies at Foggy Bottom: “Bottleneck of would-be nominees for State Department couldimpede Kerry’s progress” declared the headline.

There are several issues here—some explained in the article; others not mentioned: 

First, Secretary John Kerry always has been long on intellect, but short on political muscle. He is a good choice for diplomacy, but a poor choice for the down-and-dirty game of political hardball. He should be pressuring the White House to move faster on his requests. 

Second, the criticism of Mr. Kerry can be applied to President Obama. Smart but not politically tough. His failure to secure Senate passage of a gun control background check— a measure favored by two thirds of Americans and with his Democrat party in control of the chamber—is a perfect example of his weakness.  Of course, most of us could see that coming when he promised that the survivors of the Sandy Hook shooting massacre “Deserve a vote.” That cry is not as compelling as a “Deserve a victory!”   

The White House undoubtedly is waiting to decide which political donors will be named to the so-called “ice cream” diplomatic posts of Paris, Ottawa, and Tokyo. But there is no excuse for the delay in nominating and pushing confirmation of the ambassadorial appointments that traditionally go to career Foreign Service Officers for assignments in Burkina Faso.  None of these goes to a political appointee and none requires extensive vetting. 

Third, the Senate is culpable for not holding confirmation hearings in a timely fashion. Since it isn’t passing any legislation it should quickly clear the backlog of long overdue State Department nominations. 

Finally, there are far more vacant State Department positions today because there are far more top-level offices than in the past. As with virtually all bureaucracies, the State Department has become increasingly top heavy by expanding the levels of administrative decision-making and multiplying the number of assistant secretaries and deputy undersecretaries.   Here are some examples:

1--At the top of the organizational chart are Secretary Kerry, are his Counselor and Chief of Staff,  Secretary to the United Nations (UN), and Secretary for the U.S. Agency for International Development (AID)

2—Below them are the Deputy Secretaries of State D(B) and D(N)—D is often referred to as the “alter ego” of Mr. Kerry and D(N) is in charge of  Management and Resources.  Not surprisingly there is some unnecessary duplication within their offices.

3—Under D(B) on the left side of the chart, you’ll see three more underlings: one for  Political Affairs (P); a second for Economic Growth, Energy and Environment (E); and a third for Arms Control and International Security Affairs (T).

4—Under D(N) on the right side, you find the underlings for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs (R),  Management (M), and Civilian Security, Democracy, and Human Rights (J).

Wait, there’s more:

5—P (see 3 above) oversees separate agencies for African Affairs (AF) , European and Eurasian Affairs (EUR), East Asian and Pacific Affairs (EAP),  Near Eastern Affairs (NEA), South and Central Asian Affairs (SCA), Western Hemisphere Affairs (WHA), and International Organizations (IO).

Take notes because we’re not finished:

6—E (see 3 above) supervises separate agencies for Economic and Business Affairs (EB),  Energy Resources (ENR), Oceans and International Environmental and Scientific Affairs (OES), and the Office of Chief Economist (OCE).

You guessed it, the list continues:

7—T (see 3 above) is in charge of three areas: Arms Control, Verification and Compliance (AVC); International Security and Nonproliferation (ISN); and Political-Military Affairs (PM). 

Yes, we could stop for a midterm exam.  But let’s push ahead.  Moving to the right side of the organizational chart:

8—R (see 4 above) has three supervisory tasks: Education and Cultural Affairs (ECA);  International Information Programs (IIP); and Public Affairs (PA).

9—M (see 4 above) is responsible for eleven separate agencies: Administration (A);  Budget and Planning (BP); Consular Affairs (CA); Diplomatic Security and Foreign Missions (DS); Foreign Service Institute (FSI);  Comptroller, Global Financial Services (CGFS); Human Resources (HR); Information Resource Management (RM);  Office of Medical Services (MED);  Overseas Buildings Operations (OBO).

Take a deep breath, just one more list:

10—J (see 4 above) has nine agencies: Conflict and Stabilization Operations (CSO);  Counterterrorism (CT); Democracy, Human Rights and Labor (DRL); International Narcotics and Law Enforcement (INL); Population, Refugees and Migration (PRM); Office to Monitor and Combat Trafficking in Persons (TIP); and the Office of Global Criminal Justice (OCJ).

I’ll spare you the remaining ten officers who report directly to Mr. Kerry.

My point is simple.  The lack of political muscle by the White House, muted demands by John Kerry, and the cowardice of the Senate all merge to produce an unacceptable stalemate. 

Although the State Department focus of the newspaper article is of little interest to most U.S. citizens,  the reason for the delay is symptomatic of a larger problem that should worry every resident of the nation—the intolerable inaction by our elected and appointed officials. 

Their protracted inertia is inexcusable but all too familiar.  And their failure to do the right thing on a long list of issues is a repugnant stain on our democracy.

Steve Coon

May 05, 2013

Wiston Papers

How safe do we want America to be?

The Boston Marathon Bombing, its investigation, and subsequent “post-game” analysis have reignited the inevitable heated debate about security in America.  What do we need to do to keep the residents of this country safe?  And how do we weigh the concerns for adequate surveillance and shared information against the equal worry of too much intrusion into our private lives.

For me the answer is easy; I want surveillance everywhere.  I have nothing to fear.  I suggest the following:

1--Everyone born in the United States should be immediately fingerprinted, scraped for DNA, photographed, and have an electronic implant to track his or her whereabouts.  This includes a Social Security (national identity card) imbedded with electronic triggers such as fingerprints and retina scan technology to access the person’s related data.

    As a former federal employee my fingerprints are already on file with the FBI. I’ve done nothing wrong so I have nothing to worry about.  

2--Every U.S. pre-school, kindergarten, elementary and secondary student should be photographed each year and facial recognition software data be updated annually.  

    Except for some embarrassingly low grades during my academic life, I’ve done nothing wrong so I have nothing to worry about.

3--Every street, intersection, building, private business, public bathroom, school, church should have operating surveillance cameras.  These should be linked to public safety agencies that have employees who take turns monitoring this information as it flows in.

    With nearly 12-million persons out of work in this country, we have lots of candidates we can hire to handle the extra work workload of law enforcement agencies.

    Yes, we would have to screen these applicants to disqualify registered sex-offenders and other persons convicted of serious crimes.  But that still would leave a sizable pool of eligible persons who could do this work.

    The CBS police drama “Person of Interest” is a potential model for such widespread electronic tracking.

    I’ve done nothing wrong so I have nothing to worry about.  Cameras can follow me anywhere.

4--We should be tapping into every electronic communication in this nation--be it telephones, telegraphs, CBs, ham radio, computers and all other present or future devices. This includes  social media and related software.  

    If people are afraid of widespread dissemination of potentially shameful or criminal activity, they should just not do it.  

    I’ve done nothing wrong so I have nothing to worry about.

5--Every person who comes into the united states should receive an on-arrival inoculation that includes a nano-electronic tracking device, skin-barcode technology, be fingerprinted, oral cheek-scraped for DNA, and welcomed to America with a friendly smile from customs and immigration.

    I’d even include ankle bracelets to this  list if they weren’t so easy to unshackle.  I’d wear one if necessary; I’ve done nothing wrong so I have nothing to worry about.

6--Background checks on every purchaser of guns.  Congress, not surprisingly, failed to approve a measure that 90 percent of Americans favor.  Although I don't have a gun, I'd welcome close scrutiny of my application to buy a firearm.  I'd even wait several days to pick it up.

         I’ve done nothing wrong so I have nothing to worry about.

I suspect the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and other citizen-rights activists might find my suggestions objectionable.  “An infringement on citizens right to privacy, unconstitutional search and seizure, Big Brother intrusion” will be some of their arguments.

My response: Honest people will stay honest and should sleep peacefully.  I’ve done nothing wrong so I have nothing to worry about.

    How safe do you want America to be?

   

Steve Coon

May 02, 2013

Wiston Papers

Better living through science...2013 edition

“What in the world?” I asked.

“Better living through science, my friend,” John announced proudly while sniffing his cellphone, and nodding his head rhythmically.

“Didn’t we do this earlier?” I tried to remember.

“That was so last year...2013 is much, much better,” boasted John.

“Speaking of better,” our waitress Beverly declared,” I’m pouring you guys our special Panama Boquete that arrived just this morning.”

“Let me check,” John stated and continued sniffing his cellphone and nodding his head. “Yeah, that smells great.”

“Do I really want to know?” Beverly inquired reluctantly.

“It’s my new Smell-O-Vision app.  Now I can call up any image I want on my smartphone, see what it smells like, then decide whether I want it.  It works great.  Here test the bouquet,” John extended his phone to both of us.

“Uh...I think I’ll just drink the real thing,” I shrank back.

“Two cups of Panama Boquete coming up,” Beverly shook her head and walked away.

“Yeah,” John began to explain as he started squeezing a rubber ball clinched in his right fist. “It’s just one of several new advances in science and technology that I’m adopting.”

“And the rubber ball you’re...uh...caressing?” I smiled.

“Oh, that.” John placed the ball on the table and scratched his left arm slightly.  “New research says that squeezing a ball can help you learn and remember information.”

“Really?” I marveled as I took a robust swallow of my Panama Boquete. “And you’re trying to memorize that song...or whatever you’re listening to?”

“What?  It’s hard to hear you when listening to Pink Powers sing ‘Just Give Me A Reason.’”

“I can tell,” I raised my voice and almost shouted.  “Why are you listening to her?  I didn’t think you liked her music.”

“True, she’s not my cup of tea...or rather...Panama Boquete.  But research says that new music can stimulate your mind.”

“It seems to be stimulating your skin, too.  Perhaps Pink can ‘Give you a reason’ to call the doctor about that  itch on your arm?” I made the “quote signs” with my fingers.

“Itch? No, no,” John chuckled, “That’s my new skin printing tattoo.”

“Tattoo...it looks more like a bar code.”

“Of course.  It allows me to monitor my overall health by scanning it with a sensor that reads the condition of my skin.”

“John, you’ve certainly done your research I’ll give you that.”

“Yup.  It takes a lot time, you know, looking up all this stuff on my cellphone.”

“You must have a very expensive data plan,” I guessed.

“Nope.  I hardly spend a cent.  I just tap into other people’s accounts.”

“What!”  I coughed almost spewing Panama Boquete all over John.

“Sure.  It’s a new bandwidth application I have. But it leaves me a little depressed I admit.”

“I can imagine.  After all you’re stealing from other folks.”

“But what choice do I have?” John pondered.  “I’m afraid that if I spend a lot of time on Facebook using my own account,  there will be too much personal information circulating about me.”

“Personal information like what?” I was curious.

“Well,” John began to blush, “like my shopping habits.  Once everyone knows that stuff...or can guess...I’ll get tons of spam.”

“I’ll have to take note of that,” I considered softly.

“Speaking of notes,” John brightened. “What do you think of my new pen?”

“Truthfully...it’s fat and ugly,” I ventured.

“Maybe.  But it’s a 3D pen!”

“A what...?

“A 3D pen.  Here, look.” John began to draw on his napkin then raised the pen to complete a rough 3D image of a box rising from the table.”

“I’m at a loss for words,” I admitted.

“That’s really something, John,” Beverly agreed.  “I have a great idea.”

“What’s that?” John responded expecting praise.

“How about squeezing that rubber ball again to remember to draw a 3D big tip when you leave. Now that’s the type of scientific breakthrough I can live with.”

Steve Coon

April 28, 2013